You will know😊

Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes there are pleasant lessons and sometimes there are unpleasant ones. Nonetheless they are lessons.
Sometimes you have to be open to pain and difficulties as much as you are open to love.
You have to be truly open to what you are supposed to be gaining from it.
Knowing and believing that there is a purpose for everything you go through gives you a familiar kind of comfort in your moment of difficulty.
May be all the things that happened to you are the reason behind you being so different and unique.
Just cherish your experiences,good or bad; they made you the person you are today.

_Jahnavi Chowdary.

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To my brother❤

Dear Brother,
I actually thought of writing you a letter like I did last time but I have this feeling that a open letter would make you much happier. As this is the last month of the year, I happened to check my diary of 2018 and surprisingly you have been my only source and reason to smile in this whole year. This year has been a challenge to me both physically and emotionally and I was at my lowest spirits. This year has raised all kinds of questions in my mind to the extent where I doubted every choice of my life.I was always known as this over talkative one in my friends group but this year has been the opposite. I haven’t talked to any of my friends even for an hour. I’m not sure if it’s completely on my part, but I happened to avoid everyone. That wasn’t easy to talk to people. Talking to people and hanging out with them has become the most difficult task and slowly I was in this new world of mine fortunately or unfortunately which had only me. I thought that was the easiest way because I was so low mentally that I couldn’t tolerate other person. I had always tried to be this mature person who accepted people for what they are and has always been a big person in the group. But having so much to deal with myself, it has become difficult to deal with others. I couldn’t take anything from anyone and that made me just more and more vulnerable. Cutting off people was the easiest thing I could do at that time and that eventually happened. Asusual, I tried my best coming out of all this and I’m still trying. Apart from all the things that happened to me this year, there’s something that made me smile and lifted my spirits and That’s YOU. I have never told you all these and I have been the same vulnerable person with you too but it didn’t matter to you. Your love to me has been the same and surprisingly you have been even more attentive and responsible. No matter what I did, you always found a way to make me smile knowingly or unknowingly. You have been my only source of happiness this whole year and that means a lot to me. You are the only person with whom I didn’t hesitate talking and I’m so glad it’s you. You have been the reason that somewhere in between I constantly remembered my trueself and fought with everything. The respect you gave me and the fact you made me and my decision s matter to you has made me feel important. You can’t even imagine what it did to me and how much it mattered. I’m proud of the man you are becoming and I wouldn’t trade you for the entire world. I have always made you know that; No matter what our circumstances are; I will always be there for you. This time you gave me confidence to say…” No matter what happens, we will always be there for each other.” Love you loads. I know this is early but consider this open letter as my new year gift to you. Thank you for everything surya❤❤ You are the best thing that happened to me.
_ Jahnavi Chowdary.

I thought my love was enough

I thought my love was enough.
I thought I could change things
I thought may be if I love you enough, you would learn and start loving yourself.
I thought my love was enough to change you.
I was wrong. To my surprise, my love only confused you.
My love only made you feel unworthy.
It never made you learn to love yourself.
Instead it made you sought out love from people and places that were incapable of it.
I gave you all my love assuming the faster I gave it, the faster you would return.
It never did.
Somewhere in the process of putting so much of myself into you, I risked losing me.
Was my love not enough?
I thought I gave you everything you ever wanted….and
I still don’t get it why you’re not happy with it…
May be I was wrong to assume
Love could change anything
May be ‘loving yourself’ is something only you can manage…
I was wrong to assume that I can do it for you.
_ Jahnavi Chowdary

I write because I need to….

I write because I need to……
For me, writing has always been one genuine way of dealing with all kinds of issues.
All this started with little things which I chose to ignore. The heaviness of my heart, the pain, the fears and everything else which I kept inside me for days together slowly scattered me into pieces. At that time, where I felt trapped and hopeless, my DIARY happened. I started writing all my feelings.Everyday. It was awkward at first but slowly that became my home. It never judged me for the way I feel and never gave me labels and that made me go deeper into my thoughts. The more I wrote, the more I happened to realize how beautiful my soul is and it made me fall in love with myself. All kind of emotions and burdens that I usually carry with myself; writing them on a paper gives me a clear perspective and helps me climb those burdens instead of carrying them. Now, writing has slowly become a need that I can’t leave behind. Often, there are times where I get this intense desire in my mind where I’m bounded to get out of my bed and get my hand on my pen or a keyboard just to write something…..or anything.
_ Jahnavi Chowdary.
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THE INVITATION BY ORIAH

I’m totally in love with this poem….. The Invitation by Oriah, Mountain Dreamer.

It felt as if it handed me the deep truths I was searching for a long time; when I read this poem for the first time. This poem is so stuck in my brain that I actually go back and read these lines now and then.

THE INVITATION

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own;

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Just more and more questions

Whenever a new person comes into my life, consciously or subconsciously there is some hope that they are answers for the all the questions previous friends left with me. But I found out that’s not how it works. Every person just leaves more and more questions. They are never answers. They will never be. We have to frame our own answers. In the process of finding these answers, what if you feel everything you had upto this point doesn’t hold any value now?? What if everything suddenly seems very unimportant and uninterested?? Is that a point indicating we have to change our answers or Is that a point indicating ‘all that you had till now is not worthy of you,so just open your eyes and just move on with new journey’?? What does all these feelings refer to?? Can we really find someone who fits our answers??

_ Jahnavi Chowdary.

Be kind…..to others and to yourself…….

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see”

Recently, I have come across a lot of people being mean to each other: whether it be in real life or social media. I have been wondering why? Why can’t people be kind to each other? Is it that difficult?

Being kind has become a rare occasion that when it happens, people are shocked and it becomes the latest trendy news on social media and is labelled as “act of kindness”.

Imagine….if all the people in the world participated in this “act of kindness” how better place the world would be. One act of kindness per day can change their whole day for better.

Simply holding the door for someone whose hands are full, saying “thank you, have a nice day” to someone who served you coffee in a coffee shop, saying thanks to your driver, tipping little extra to waiters if they did a good job and being patient with those who messed it up. We are all humans and we are meant to make mistakes. No one’s perfect.  Just because someone accidentally screw up doesn’t mean they don’t deserve kindness.

Just because you are having a bad day doesn’t mean you need to be mean those around you. Be someone that even when you have a bad day, you are still kind to others. Being kind doesn’t make you weak; it makes you strong.

Even if someone is mean to you because of their bad day still be kind to them. When people are unkind to others, they are the ones who most need kindness from others. Believe me, being kind is the best reaction to someone who’s being mean. It startles them and makes them rethink about their behaviour.

And last but not least ” Be kind to yourself”. You deserve it. When you are not good at some thing, when you don’t meet yours expectations or people’s expectations; don’t be hard on yourself. Be kind, accept that you are not perfect and work through it and improve yourself.